Yes, I remember those posts. Based on your war comments, I interpreted it that maybe that was what led more directly to your turning away from your previous path, which is why I asked. The war question is very complex and there are whole books on that topic as it relates to Christians and the Bible. Unfortunately, war is a reality in a world with fallen and sinful humans. It is never a "good" thing, but sometimes it may be necessary or even just. Murder is a sin, but not all killing is a sin. I would say that killing is never "good" but sometimes is necessary; such as in situations of self-defense or some war times.
We see this in the Old Testament, for example when the Isrealites are called to kill the Canaanites. It was not a "good thing" but the Canaanites were doing some very terrible practices for hundreds of years and would not turn away. Beastiality, prostitution, murder, greed, and child sacrifice (to idols) to name a few. God basically "judged" the Canaanites with a war against them for their terrible actions. Is it fun, neat, and clean? No. Does it make some people uncomfortable to read that God would call for people to be killed? Sure. But God did so justly; when we murder we do so unjustly. God has the ability to take any of us out of this world at any time; it is not "murder" for Him because He is the eternal being, not a created being with no ability to give life. If Christianity is true, we don't really die when when our physical bodies die, we just change locations. People are not given the right to do that to another person without just cause (ie, self defense, certain war times, etc) but God is not one of us. Sometimes in these terrible Earthly events, "innocent" people die, like kids. Never a good thing, but unfortunately, other people often end up paying for the sins of those around them. God is just and those kids that die on Earth will be where they should in eternity. What that looks like for you and your military deeds I cannot say, that is between you and God. But I believe God is just and knows what is fair and right.